Day 1

Today is the first day of my weight loss journey. I'm scared and excited at the same time. Right now I feel good about my decision but wondering if I can do this or not. I have lost a lot of weight before but have not been able to keep it off. I know that I can't think about that right now. I just have to concentrate on losing a day at a time.

I did set my alarm for 7:00 but got up at 7:30. I made oatmeal for everyone and got up and walked at 9:20 this morning after drinking some coffee. I ate oatmeal after I walked.

I weighed in this morning at 252 lbs. This makes me sick. I keep thinking about how I got here. I have no one else to blame but myself. I am the one who is addicted to food and I am the one who ate the wrong things and sat on my butt instead of exercising. Me losing weight isn't about anyone else but me. I have to be selfish and work on myself from now on.

This blogging is a way for me to get my emotions out and say how I really feel. I have a wonderful husband who would listen to me if I wanted him to, but I don't want to burden him or my friends with these thought going on in my head.

These are pictures of myself from the side and from the front. It makes me sick to do this, but I feel like I have to. I will post a new pic everytime I lose 10 lbs.

I am going to take the boys swimming and take Addi to the doctor. I will post later on how the rest of my day went.

Well, back from the doctor and Addi has tonsilitus. The doctor called her in an antibiotic and we are waiting on it to be filled.

I ate lunch as soon as I got back. I did pretty good. Now I'm trying to muster up the energy to clean the kitchen. I will be so glad when I have more energy to do things.

I've been invited to a fourth of July party, but scared to go. Don't think I can control my eating. I might have to skip it to do well on that day.

Right now I feel like such a failure in my life....such a burden on everyone else....such an embaracement to my family and friends. I have 7 more weeks until I have to be back at work and start another school year with my Special Ed kids. Although I'm looking forward to working with Julie, I'm not excited like I should be. I am still very disapointed about not getting a regular ed job this year. I feel so deflated. I tried so hard this year to be a great teacher and everyone keeps telling me 'you're so good at what you do'. I'm sick of hearing that. I want to be good at being a regular ed teacher, but I wasn't given the chance. There's really nothing I can do about it. Maybe next year when I'm skinny again.