Got up at 9 this morning. Steve left with David to go look at a possible deer lease for us. He came back at 11 and said he really liked both spots that he saw. I hope that he decides to get one of them. It would be nice to have somewhere for our family to go hunt.
I did not get up in time to walk this morning, but plan on going tonight before it gets too hot.
I ate crackers and cheese for breakfast because nothing else sounded good.
I will post more later and let you know how the rest of my day went.
The rest of my day went Ok. Kind of boring. We had chicken, baked beans, and scalloped potatoes for supper. I did really watch my portion sizes though.I had a WW dessert afterwards because everyone had a root beer float. It wasn't that hard to give up since I had my own dessert. I even went to town to get the ice cream for them. Maybe I can do this.
I did not walk today. I really have no excuse though.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Friday, July 6, 2012
Day 5
Didn't sleep very well last night because Addi and I took a really long nap yesterday afternoon. I was reading a new book and she came in there about 1pm and said, "Mom, I think we need a nap." I read for a little while but then I got sleepy so I joined her. We slept until almost 5:30pm. It was a great nap but then I couldn't sleep last night.
I did walk last night about 8:15. It wasn't too hot. There was a good breeze. Did good eating supper. I really watched my portion sizes.
I got up this morning at 6:30. My alarm was set for 7 but woke up when the sun went up this morning. I started some coffee and drank a couple of cups. Everyone was still asleep so I decided to go for a walk around 7:45. It felt good to be out walking early this morning. Maybe I \can make it a habit...at least until school starts back. Then I will have to walk when I get home when its hot..yuck.
It's 9am and don't know what all I'm going to do today. I know I'm going to clean the kitchen again and do some laundry, but would like to be more productive than that today. I'll post more later.
It's time to go to bed and I'm just now posting. The rest of the day was OK. Did good on my eating. We had grilled chicken and veggies for dinner and watched 'The Vow' tonight. It was really good.
Things are a little better between Steve and I. We have been talking some, but the underlying issue is still there. Goodnight. I'll post some more tomorrow.
I did walk last night about 8:15. It wasn't too hot. There was a good breeze. Did good eating supper. I really watched my portion sizes.
I got up this morning at 6:30. My alarm was set for 7 but woke up when the sun went up this morning. I started some coffee and drank a couple of cups. Everyone was still asleep so I decided to go for a walk around 7:45. It felt good to be out walking early this morning. Maybe I \can make it a habit...at least until school starts back. Then I will have to walk when I get home when its hot..yuck.
It's 9am and don't know what all I'm going to do today. I know I'm going to clean the kitchen again and do some laundry, but would like to be more productive than that today. I'll post more later.
It's time to go to bed and I'm just now posting. The rest of the day was OK. Did good on my eating. We had grilled chicken and veggies for dinner and watched 'The Vow' tonight. It was really good.
Things are a little better between Steve and I. We have been talking some, but the underlying issue is still there. Goodnight. I'll post some more tomorrow.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Day 3 and Day 4
Sorry, I didn't post last night. We got home late from the swimming party at Jenn's house. We had an absolute blast. I needed to be with friends.
I did not walk yesterday. I intended to but it just didn't work out. I ate a pack of peanut butter crackers before I left for the party. I wish I could say I did extremely well on eating at the party but I didn't. Although, I didn't eat as much as I normally would, I had several drinks. Being with my friends really cheered me up but I'm back home again where it gets tough.
I got up today around 10 since we swam most of the day and night and got in bed around 1am. Everyone slept in around here except for Steve.
Things haven't been going good for us today. We had a huge argument and he told me he wouldn't be sad if I left. That hurt me so much. He told me our marriage 'sucked'. Of course, I cried about it. It all stems from me being so overweight.
I went into the kitchen and cleaned up all the dishes and was really thinking about things. I just wondered what 3 things that I could do to make our marriage better. He said that he has told me a million times what I could do to make our marriage better. He said that I gave up on myself and our marriage when I chose to gain weight. I know that I disgust him, but I wasn't giving up on my marrage. If anything, I wasn't paying enough attention to myself and my needs. I have done so much for this family, but he doesn't see that, He can only see the negative things I do. Yes, I did give up on myself, but I never gave up on our marriage. I want to be thin for him, but more than that...I want to be thin for myself. My self image and esteem has been so bad for so long. He has made me feel like I'm not worth anything for so long, which has only made my addiction to food worse. I really don't want to blame him for me being like this because it's ultimately not his fault. I'm just saying that he is not helping any.
The only thing I can do is just keep on going. I can't promise him that I will lose weight. He just has to see it happen. Unfortunately, it is a long process. I just don't know if he will be here in the end. I don't blame him if he leaves me. He has to do what he thinks will make him happy and I have to do what makes me happy. I will not leave him even though I think about it at times. I do love him but am tired of him putting me down for being overweight.
I am going to do well on my walking and eating today. I have to for ME !!!!!
I did not walk yesterday. I intended to but it just didn't work out. I ate a pack of peanut butter crackers before I left for the party. I wish I could say I did extremely well on eating at the party but I didn't. Although, I didn't eat as much as I normally would, I had several drinks. Being with my friends really cheered me up but I'm back home again where it gets tough.
I got up today around 10 since we swam most of the day and night and got in bed around 1am. Everyone slept in around here except for Steve.
Things haven't been going good for us today. We had a huge argument and he told me he wouldn't be sad if I left. That hurt me so much. He told me our marriage 'sucked'. Of course, I cried about it. It all stems from me being so overweight.
I went into the kitchen and cleaned up all the dishes and was really thinking about things. I just wondered what 3 things that I could do to make our marriage better. He said that he has told me a million times what I could do to make our marriage better. He said that I gave up on myself and our marriage when I chose to gain weight. I know that I disgust him, but I wasn't giving up on my marrage. If anything, I wasn't paying enough attention to myself and my needs. I have done so much for this family, but he doesn't see that, He can only see the negative things I do. Yes, I did give up on myself, but I never gave up on our marriage. I want to be thin for him, but more than that...I want to be thin for myself. My self image and esteem has been so bad for so long. He has made me feel like I'm not worth anything for so long, which has only made my addiction to food worse. I really don't want to blame him for me being like this because it's ultimately not his fault. I'm just saying that he is not helping any.
The only thing I can do is just keep on going. I can't promise him that I will lose weight. He just has to see it happen. Unfortunately, it is a long process. I just don't know if he will be here in the end. I don't blame him if he leaves me. He has to do what he thinks will make him happy and I have to do what makes me happy. I will not leave him even though I think about it at times. I do love him but am tired of him putting me down for being overweight.
I am going to do well on my walking and eating today. I have to for ME !!!!!
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Day 2
Today is day 2 of losing weight. I didn't get up early to go walking because Addi got me up twice in the middle of the night because she had fever. I set me alarm for 7 but didn't get up until 9:30. By then it was already too hot.
I did well eating today and drank most of my water that I needed to. Spent most of the day reading a book. It felt good to be lazy today. After our vacation last week I have been tired I guess. Addi watched cartoons while I read. Steve took the boys to the pool in town to swim this afternoon which gave me a much needed break.
This afternoon Steve asked me to go to town with him to get stuff to make baked beans and jalepeno corn for tomorrow's party at Jenn's house at the Ranch. I'm excited about going to visit with my girlies but scared about overeating and overdrinking. Wish me luck. I need it.
I cooked a pizza for everyone else tonight but ate a WW meal and some fruit that Steve bought me. It was really good, but I still can't help feeling deprived of the other food that they get to eat. Maybe one day I will be Ok with it, but not yet.
After supper I finished reading my book and then decided I would go for a walk. It wasn't that hot outside because there was a good breeze. One of the neighbors dogs followed me home and our dog and him got into several fights on the way home. He followed us home and Steve had to chase him off. But not before he got into a fight with two of our cats and our dog again.
Still not in a good frame of mind. I guess I'm bitter for having to do this while everyone else can eat what they want and not exercise.
I should be happy I guesss. I have a great husband, wonderful kids, and several very close friends that I can count on. I haven't talked to any of them about making this decision.I'm not ready to. Steve noticed that I have been eating better and said, "What, are you on a diet again?" I know he is hopeful but doesn't believe that I will go through with it. I don't blame him. I have let him down so many times...promising him that I would lose weight, You see....when we met I had just reached my weight loss goal with WW and felt wonderful.That was 9 years ago. I have now gained back the 63 pounds plus a lot more. I'm not doing this for him though. I want to be happy with how I feel again. I want to be able to pull a size medium shirt off the rack, not try it on, and know that it fits. I'm tired of being a member of the X club. You know...XL...2XL....3XL...
Goodnight for now, talk to you tomorrow after my day at the party
I did well eating today and drank most of my water that I needed to. Spent most of the day reading a book. It felt good to be lazy today. After our vacation last week I have been tired I guess. Addi watched cartoons while I read. Steve took the boys to the pool in town to swim this afternoon which gave me a much needed break.
This afternoon Steve asked me to go to town with him to get stuff to make baked beans and jalepeno corn for tomorrow's party at Jenn's house at the Ranch. I'm excited about going to visit with my girlies but scared about overeating and overdrinking. Wish me luck. I need it.
I cooked a pizza for everyone else tonight but ate a WW meal and some fruit that Steve bought me. It was really good, but I still can't help feeling deprived of the other food that they get to eat. Maybe one day I will be Ok with it, but not yet.
After supper I finished reading my book and then decided I would go for a walk. It wasn't that hot outside because there was a good breeze. One of the neighbors dogs followed me home and our dog and him got into several fights on the way home. He followed us home and Steve had to chase him off. But not before he got into a fight with two of our cats and our dog again.
Still not in a good frame of mind. I guess I'm bitter for having to do this while everyone else can eat what they want and not exercise.
I should be happy I guesss. I have a great husband, wonderful kids, and several very close friends that I can count on. I haven't talked to any of them about making this decision.I'm not ready to. Steve noticed that I have been eating better and said, "What, are you on a diet again?" I know he is hopeful but doesn't believe that I will go through with it. I don't blame him. I have let him down so many times...promising him that I would lose weight, You see....when we met I had just reached my weight loss goal with WW and felt wonderful.That was 9 years ago. I have now gained back the 63 pounds plus a lot more. I'm not doing this for him though. I want to be happy with how I feel again. I want to be able to pull a size medium shirt off the rack, not try it on, and know that it fits. I'm tired of being a member of the X club. You know...XL...2XL....3XL...
Goodnight for now, talk to you tomorrow after my day at the party
Monday, July 2, 2012
Day 1
Today is the first day of my weight loss journey. I'm scared and excited at the same time. Right now I feel good about my decision but wondering if I can do this or not. I have lost a lot of weight before but have not been able to keep it off. I know that I can't think about that right now. I just have to concentrate on losing a day at a time.
I did set my alarm for 7:00 but got up at 7:30. I made oatmeal for everyone and got up and walked at 9:20 this morning after drinking some coffee. I ate oatmeal after I walked.
I weighed in this morning at 252 lbs. This makes me sick. I keep thinking about how I got here. I have no one else to blame but myself. I am the one who is addicted to food and I am the one who ate the wrong things and sat on my butt instead of exercising. Me losing weight isn't about anyone else but me. I have to be selfish and work on myself from now on.
This blogging is a way for me to get my emotions out and say how I really feel. I have a wonderful husband who would listen to me if I wanted him to, but I don't want to burden him or my friends with these thought going on in my head.
These are pictures of myself from the side and from the front. It makes me sick to do this, but I feel like I have to. I will post a new pic everytime I lose 10 lbs.
I am going to take the boys swimming and take Addi to the doctor. I will post later on how the rest of my day went.
Well, back from the doctor and Addi has tonsilitus. The doctor called her in an antibiotic and we are waiting on it to be filled.
I ate lunch as soon as I got back. I did pretty good. Now I'm trying to muster up the energy to clean the kitchen. I will be so glad when I have more energy to do things.
I've been invited to a fourth of July party, but scared to go. Don't think I can control my eating. I might have to skip it to do well on that day.
Right now I feel like such a failure in my life....such a burden on everyone else....such an embaracement to my family and friends. I have 7 more weeks until I have to be back at work and start another school year with my Special Ed kids. Although I'm looking forward to working with Julie, I'm not excited like I should be. I am still very disapointed about not getting a regular ed job this year. I feel so deflated. I tried so hard this year to be a great teacher and everyone keeps telling me 'you're so good at what you do'. I'm sick of hearing that. I want to be good at being a regular ed teacher, but I wasn't given the chance. There's really nothing I can do about it. Maybe next year when I'm skinny again.
I did set my alarm for 7:00 but got up at 7:30. I made oatmeal for everyone and got up and walked at 9:20 this morning after drinking some coffee. I ate oatmeal after I walked.
I weighed in this morning at 252 lbs. This makes me sick. I keep thinking about how I got here. I have no one else to blame but myself. I am the one who is addicted to food and I am the one who ate the wrong things and sat on my butt instead of exercising. Me losing weight isn't about anyone else but me. I have to be selfish and work on myself from now on.
This blogging is a way for me to get my emotions out and say how I really feel. I have a wonderful husband who would listen to me if I wanted him to, but I don't want to burden him or my friends with these thought going on in my head.
I am going to take the boys swimming and take Addi to the doctor. I will post later on how the rest of my day went.
Well, back from the doctor and Addi has tonsilitus. The doctor called her in an antibiotic and we are waiting on it to be filled.
I ate lunch as soon as I got back. I did pretty good. Now I'm trying to muster up the energy to clean the kitchen. I will be so glad when I have more energy to do things.
I've been invited to a fourth of July party, but scared to go. Don't think I can control my eating. I might have to skip it to do well on that day.
Right now I feel like such a failure in my life....such a burden on everyone else....such an embaracement to my family and friends. I have 7 more weeks until I have to be back at work and start another school year with my Special Ed kids. Although I'm looking forward to working with Julie, I'm not excited like I should be. I am still very disapointed about not getting a regular ed job this year. I feel so deflated. I tried so hard this year to be a great teacher and everyone keeps telling me 'you're so good at what you do'. I'm sick of hearing that. I want to be good at being a regular ed teacher, but I wasn't given the chance. There's really nothing I can do about it. Maybe next year when I'm skinny again.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)